Minor Struggles

Been thinking more about my utter lack of motivation to write lately, and it hit me that I haven’t been entirely honest with myself.  I mean, I’m a lazy ass.  That’s just truth.  That’s just not all of it.

There’s a thing that I keep pretending like I can get away with not doing, though, and I’m about at that point where I need to stop pretending.  It kind of sucks.  But it’s something every single writer who talks about the work says they had to do.

I need to start saying no to friends and stay the hell home and write.  I need to say no to hanging out, no to getting drinks, no to anything that means I don’t get something out onto paper.  All my talk of needing to buckle down is kind of shit, because when you get down to it, there’s always a friend I haven’t given enough time to that I should go grab a beer with.  Drawing a line at this point is cutting something off that I don’t want cut, or at least that I feel guilty about cutting.  It’s easy to put down a Playstation controller.  It won’t get hurt when you tell it that Dragon Age can wait for a bit.

I don’t mean saying no to obligations, like, “Hey, I can’t help you with your fundraiser,” I mean saying no to friends. Saying your faux-career that hasn’t paid you a cent is more important than their emotional needs.  It makes me feel like a shit just thinking about it.

I don’t know where to draw the line on this one. I just know that right now it’s in the wrong place.

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2 Responses to Minor Struggles

  1. Nick says:

    Yeah, it’s a really difficult line to draw. I find that I draw from life experience and things I read so once a certain amount of “fuel” has been gained from that I use it up in writing so I’m always in and out of those two zones of life. But you definitely have to force yourself to write or be inspired and it’s really, really hard just don’t be satisfied.

  2. Brian says:

    As usual, you have spelled out the dilemma perfectly. Maybe it’s time to treat our avocations as vocations and pretend we’re punching the clock when the set time for the craft arrives. “Sorry man, but I’ve got to go to work,” will then apply to two activities in our lives.

    And I can stop referring to it as an avocation, too.

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