I’ve never had insomnia before. I mean, I’ve had a day here and there where I was stressed and couldn’t sleep, but not very often, and it’s been a long time. Then this weekend hit, and it was a doozy. Two out of three nights of being up to 4AM, and totally losing it at that point in the face of all the things I was going to completely foul up the next day because I hadn’t slept. It wasn’t pretty.
I mean, seriously. I’m kind of cracking up right now – stress, mostly, across a hundred and twenty things – and the insomnia is both causal agent and catalyst for totally losing it.
I’m ok, I think. I hope. But I’m not exactly stable.
So I’m writing a list of stuff that’s stressing me out and trying to make sense of tomorrow so I can sleep tonight, and I write this, about one of the things eating my stomach:
At the very least, it ain’t important enough to lose sleep over. What’s the worst that happens? You look like an idiot. You look like an idiot all the time. Why does it only bother you when it’s in front of strangers?
Anyway. Let’s hope it’s a good night.